Location: New England, United States

Thursday, April 14, 2005

The Waiting

As I mentioned in the previous post, I am still awaiting the verdict on whether I will retain employment - or join the ranks of the unemployed. Waiting can be tortuous. Hourly, I fight to keep the fear from overtaking my thoughts, and daily I fight anger to thwart its foothold.

Yesterday, I lost my battle with anger, and while showering - I berated God.

"What are you doing? How can you let this happen? You promised to take care of me!" I screamed at him. Then with tears, "I have been there for twenty-six years. I will lose my medical insurance! How will I pay my bills? Who do you think you are meddling in my life this way?"

He answered: "You are giving birth to a new life; the life I promised to you."

I pictured a woman pregnant with new life - her first child. She and her husband are happy, excited and expectant. They make plans for the new baby, they go to birthing classes, and they prepare a nursery. The woman grows larger, and she becomes uncomfortable. She may have sleepness nights, and foods that enticed her before, now nauseate her. Her body grows even larger and simple tasks such as lifting herself from a chair become a major ordeal. A heaviness settles over her.

Then one night, she feels a twinge - and another stronger twinge. The twinges are replaced by muscle contractions; a hardening of her belly. She wakes her husband and happily, they start to time the contractions. This is it - we are giving birth.

Later at the hospital, things are not so happy. Through the hard labor, she screams at her husband - the author of her pain. Yet, through her accusations, he holds her hand and comforts her. When the new baby is presented to the parents, the pain, fear and anger of giving birth slides away, and is replaced by the joy of this new life.

So it is with God. In the hard labor of giving birth to change, God expects us to rant and rave. He patiently holds our hand and comforts us through the process. He stays until the last contraction, and he helps us push through until we have given birth. He is there to share the joy of our newborn life.


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